So I told myself I would have this done before Caidyn was one month old. In typical new mom fashion, I'm a few days late.
A few days before Caidyn was born I was noticing my feet and ankles were swelling a lot more than they ever had before. Like to the point where I was beginning to worry. Brian and I bought a pair of nice compression socks in hope that would help and I wore them all day Saturday, September 21. We had a dinner scheduled that night with my camp bosses turned friends and I wore a pair of sandals and my compression sleeves with one of my fun maxi dresses I had acquired during my pregnancy. I remember getting up from dinner thinking to myself that I was worried about my sandals breaking because of how giant my feet had swollen in just 3 hours out and how I wasn't having to pee (a totally weird thing for a pregnant lady).
The next morning we tried to go to church with Brian's parents. My feet swelling had gone down overnight since I slept in the compression socks so I wore another version of sandals and a maxi dress. Not only did we show up late to church but as soon as I was on my feet they were swelling right back up. And I realize a little bit into church I hadn't felt Caidyn move yet that day. I was terrified and started tearing up. So we left church and drove back home and I put my feet up. Bridget, my sister in law, had just finished nursing school in August and had done an internship in labor and delivery so she came to see me and checked my blood pressure, which was elevated but not too high, and asked me a few questions and basically told me to just relax for the rest of the day, keep my feet up, and I was probably fine.
To be fair, I definitely was not one to relax pretty much at all for any of the pregnancy. I am naturally a person on the go that weekend was no exception. We had friends over for drinks (and water) Friday night, I woke up Saturday to go to the school's first Cross Country meet, I had breakfast with friends Saturday after the meet, I figured out everything that would go in our hospital bags and gathered it all and began washing it all, and then we had that dinner Saturday night.
So I attributed it to me feeling like most 36 week pregnant women - exhausted and huge. I spent most of the day with my swollen feet elevated drinking lots of water so I started having to pee every hour or so trying to relax before starting another week of work. We had a really early dinner and went to bed around 9:30.
About 12:30am my back hurt pretty bad. I thought maybe it was just stomach pains so I went to the bathroom and went back to bed. This back ache was really bad and I couldn't find a position that didn't make it feel worse than before. I rolled around for a while and began being really frustrated I couldn't sleep - I had to go to work! About 2am I decided to take a hot shower to try and relax the ache away. About 5 minutes into my shower I realized this ache might take a while to get rid of and I didn't want to run out of hot water before I felt better so I started a bath instead.
While in the bath I realized the back pain is coming and going and may even be in a regular pattern. I start timing it with my phone frustrated that I am having Braxton Hicks contractions so early in the morning. After a while in the hot bath I was too warm and took a cold shower #goldilocksmoment - and my back contractions were worse and I could feel them around front now too. I decided I couldn't deal with this anymore on my own and woke Brian up to keep me company. This was maybe around 3:30ish. We had a previous middle of the night fake labor experience before so I told him it was happening again. Like last time he tried to convince me to lay down and try to go back to sleep. Except unlike last time when I laid down the contractions got so much more intense. I just stood up and walked around and if I felt one coming on I walked to Brian and he applied some counter pressure to my back and we worked through it together. Everything everyone says about Braxton Hicks versus real contractions was that real ones would be very very regular (mine were only fairly regular but then I would go from like 15 minutes of a 30 second contraction every 3 minutes to like 7 minutes with nothing then a 1 minute contraction) and that if walking around helps them go away they aren't real - and the walking/moving helped them decrease in intensity, but not go away.
At this point it is now 5am and my alarm to get ready for work should be going off in 25 minutes. We start discussing maybe going to the hospital. I emailed work telling them I would be late and we got dressed, grabbed our labor bag, a pillow, and headed to the hospital arriving around 7am.
*sidenote: I spent a good 10 minutes walking in and out of my closet searching for an outfit to wear. It was so weird trying to get dressed to - what I thought - go to the hospital for them to tell me I am not in labor and then come home to get ready for work. I even did my hair so I could save myself some time later when I would be coming home to really get ready for my day... I didn't do my makeup though because I wanted to make it seem like I was in discomfort and uncomfortable people don't do their makeup in the middle of the night... it is so weird what crosses your mind at times like this.
It was a full moon and hospital was really busy. We were in the waiting room for about half an hour before getting called back to triage. I remember feeling sort of dumb explaining what was going on - I didn't want to say out loud "I'm here for you to tell me I'm not in labor so I can go to work" but that was how I felt.
They listened to my symptoms and gave me a gown to change in to. Apparently the nurse could tell already I was in labor because as I was changing she had said to Brian, "why did you wait so long to get here?". I didn't know that yet so I changed into my gown and waddled back to the little room and she started checking my blood pressure, hooked me and Caidyn up to a montior, and checked how far I was. We were probably only back in triage for about 10 minutes when she announced I was 3cm dialted, in real labor, and that we were being admitted. I didn't quite understand and had to ask "like we are staying, I'm really having a baby?" and she replied "yes!" and I started crying and immediately looked at Brian and was like "we have to call my parents" - the nurse said we would have plenty of time to call people but I was really adamant that he call my parents so they could take care of the dogs. It makes me happy to think that in this moment I was still thinking about my first babies.
Brian took care of letting our parents know and I answered the rest of the admission questions. When he called my mom she started screaming - she was actually running late for work and still on her way there. She told me later she walked into a staff meeting, announced she was leaving because I was in labor, everyone was excited, and then she left and headed straight to my house to be with the dogs and start to grab somee things that we would need.
We ended up in room 11 and my dad was there about 10 minutes later - my mom had called him and he came straight over. He was supposed to be taking an entrance exam for a job he was applying for and I guess he called them and told them the news and that he would have trouble focusing and asked to reschedule. They of course said yes so he headed straight to see me. My mom arrived about 2 hours later with the few things we had asked her to bring (including food for Brian and my dad which they politely ate where I couldn't see them eating) and this card designed specifically for this moment. It said something beautiful along the lines of "today is the day you discover how much I love you" or something - since I would be becoming a mommy and learning what it was like to love your own child.
I was a bit thrown off by them coming by since I didn't initially want anyone there; but when you are not actually having a contraction early labor is kind of boring... Especially when you are hungry and tired. And I was both.
Calling Brian's family was funny because we had trouble getting in touch with his mom. I can't remember if he called his dad or if he was waiting to get in touch with his mom first - but when she finally called back I could hear her excitement and her of course asking him to keep her posted.
At about noon my parents left to go check on our dogs again and gather our overnight bags (since we didn't think we were really in labor we didn't grab them...)
Around 12:30 my doctor came by to check on me. We were at about 4 1/2 cm so she decided to break my water to help things progressing. About an hour later things started getting very intense. Caidyn dropped very low and created some intense pressure. I started getting the labor shakes during each contraction and Brian describes them as like a seizure I was conscious for. He said he had to hold me so I didn't shake off the bed.
Apparrently around 2:30 my sisters arrived from Orlando (Anita lives up there and Ronni was up for a visit - I actually felt bad because Ronni had taken the week off of work and was up there for a vacation of sorts and had only been gone 1 day - but it was a very welcome reason to come back home!). They stopped by the hospital and asked to see me. They came back but everything was so intense at that point I have no recollection of them coming by.
The pain was starting to peak at this point. It had been a while since the doctor had broken my water so they rechecked me and I was at 6cm. Things were moving and I wanted to keep a natural labor so I just tried to keep mentally focused. I started feeling nauseous and starting walking back and forth to the toilet like I was going to be sick. After about another hour the labor shakes had gotten worse and were now a constant, not breaking in between contractions, I had gotten sick from the pain, and my blood pressure started going up. They checked me again and I kept telling myself as long as I was progressing I could do it. My plan was for a natural labor. I was waiting to hear the magic number 7 - the last stage of labor - it was all I was focusing on.
She checked me and said 6cm. I felt so defeated. No progress. I realized what time it was and I was feeling exhausted and I couldn't see the light at the end anymore. I started asking about my pain management options. I "watched" the epidural video since I hadn't done it beforehand- basically they brought in an 8" TV and played a video... I have no idea what it said since I could hardly open my eyes. I debated with myself = for about 45 minutes, asked to be checked again, and I was still a 6. Still no magic 7. Brian was trying to push me to having the epidural - and looking back on it I totally understand why. It must have been so difficult for him to see me in such pain and discomfort. I had gotten sick, I was beyond tears, exhausted, and shaking straight for hours. I finally asked for the epidural. This was around 4:45.
The epidural was in by 5:15 and Brian walked away for the first time all day. We actually talked about him leaving because after my legs when numb I was feeling a weird pressure and I was afraid I had a bowel movement... either that or one of the blankets was moved really weird... so he left and asked the nurse to stay with me. He went to go give our families in the waiting room an update - basically to tell them I had just gotten the epidural, I was only at a 6, we still had a while to go. While he was gone I had the nurse check out what I was feeling (misplaced washcloth - thank goodness!) and then she started messing with my monitors. I had been having issues with them all day so I didn't think much of it. Then another nurse came in and they put me on oxygen and started flipping me from one side to the other. I had no real idea what was going on and thought this was what they did to all epidural patients. Until they started calling my doctor's office requesting to speak to her immediately - it is an emergency. I remember getting nervous and it must have been all over my face - they told me to relax and keep breathing - deep breaths. I was focusing so much on trying to remain calm and breath deeply - I realized that something must be going on with her and i needed to be ok and calm and breath for her to be ok and breath. By now Brian walked back in and I imagine it must have been so terrifying for him to walk into that situation - especially since he has been with me nearly all day and everything was going just fine. The nurses started vocalizing a little bit more explaining to him what was going on. I felt this intense wave of guilt as I heard the nurses say they were having trouble getting a reading on Caidyn's heart rate. I had it in my mind that if anything happened it was because of the epidural and I must have been so selfish to get it.
They got her heart rate back on track checked me, and at 5:40, just 30 minutes after they confirmed I was still a 6, I was at 10 cm ready to push. It all seemed so sudden.
My nurse said her shift ended at 6:30 and she didn't want to leave while I was still pushing, so that was my goal. Eventually my doctor was there and we were all pushing together it felt like - everyone was working with me - I felt so supported.
They say I pushed about 6 contractions worth. I was surprised at the technique they were having me use to push. Each contraction they were trying to get 3 "pushes" out of. We would push for 10 seconds, then breath for 10, then push for 10 more, then breath, then push 10 more. I felt like I wanted to push for longer than 10 seconds but I couldn't articulate that very well so I just started counting slower in my head.
One thing I vividly remember was Brian counting backwards with the nurses. I had told him at our birth class that whenever I am working out I always prefer to count backward instead of forwards and I would probably be the same when giving birth. I don;t know if he had mentioned to them I liked backwards counting or if it worked out that they always counted backwards but I was really appreciative that he remembered that.
After I started making progress I was able to reach down to feel her head - it was so weird to feel but so amazing at the same time. I could hardly believe there was a little teeny person stuck in there and it was my job to push and get her out. When they could see her head they told me there was hair and I asked to please not be told what color. I wanted to see it for myself.
I pushed a few more times and before I knew it the lights were shining, bed was dropped, and here she was.
At 6:26 Caidyn Arwen entered the world. I made it before the nurse had to leave (Darla was her name, she was amazing!) and it was the best moment.
Our family was invited back about a half an hour or so later to meet our little girl. It was so amazing and there were many tears. Both our parents, and most of our siblings were able to be there, including all of my sisters. There was so much love in that little room. My daddy brought me some dinner - a jimmy johns sandwich. It was so delicious -especially since it has been about 24 hours since I had last eaten.
A little while later it was time to clean us all up and transition us upstairs to the recovery room. They cleaned off Caidyn and I ate a little more, and when Caidyn was brought back to us she was in her birthday outfit and we had her birthday party complete with pink cupcakes and a zero candle.
It was an amazing day and I feel so blessed to have had such a great birth experience.
