When Preterm Labor stops all blogging...

May was a very busy month for us. We celebrated Mother's day - a difficult and exciting one for our family. My grandmother, the true matriarch that she was, has left a large hole in our lives since she passed last summer. My sister's and I tried to capture that impact that grandma had on us with our gift of a gold bar necklace for my mother with Grandma's handwriting and my grandparents signature card ending, "All our love", on it. It was an emotional gift giving experience, but I know much appreciated. Mom had also purchased matching tank tops for us to wear after I had shown them to her.

Two weeks later Caidyn and I started out our Friday with a surprise date to see Daniel Tiger! My friend Robyn and her two littles joined us and we had such a fun time! 

The next day Brian's father had purchased a box for a Ft. Myer's Miracle baseball game with fireworks afterwards. Because we knew we would be out late we had a lazy morning and I noticed some contractions starting. I had been having Braxton Hick's for weeks now, so thought nothing of it. I drank some water and tried to nap. 

About an hour later I was woken up by the contractions which were getting stronger and closer together. I thought maybe moving around would help so I took a shower and started getting ready. Of course, I had absolutely nothing to wear... and ended up in a wayyyyyyy to small Florida Marlins shirt and a maxi skirt. The contractions continued, which I thought was weird, but I ignored.

We went to the game and despite my position, my water intake, my food intake, etc, the contractions continued and even were getting stronger and closer together. We tried getting me a better fitting shirt to see if that would help, and I now own a Ft Myers Miracle shirt - which is super soft I might add! But, alas, although I was much more comfortable shirt wise, I was still very uncomfortable uterus wise. I told Brian I was concerned and that if they didn't stop once we got home maybe we should go to the hospital. He agreed so I secretly (I thought secretly at least) called my mom to make sure she was home and could watch Caidyn when we dropped her off. By the time the game was ending I was very uncomfortable and basically didn't say goodbye to anyone and wanted to run to the car. I did stop for us to take what I was afraid might be our last photo as a family of three!

We arrived the the hospital without anything but the clothes we were wearing. With my history of sort of preterm labor we were quickly called back to triage where we were put on the monitor and checked. I never cuss... I stopped many years ago - but when the nurse checked me and said I was 2 1/2 cm dilated I said out loud "sh*t". I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't think of any other better word that described the situation. She quickly explained what was going to happen - a shot in my butt for steroids, an IV with fluids and a medication to keep the contractions from progressing me any further, and that we were being admitted with the intention of stopping this labor from progressing.

We definitely had some scared tears in our eyes, but tried to remain calm until we were better situated. They moved us to room 16 in labor and delivery and it was all too real. The pain was intense, there was a warm bed, onesie, and hat waiting for Ellie, and it was much too soon.

Luckily we had an amazing nursing staff. Our families visited us the next day as I kept up with my clear liquid regimen and Brian was able to step out for a shower and food not from the cafeteria.

The second night was especially emotional. I was allowed to have an injected pain medication twice, and I tried to save it for night time so I could get some rest. Contractions were about five minutes apart, and the pain medicine allowed me to rest for about 45 minutes. I was exhausted, I felt bad about using both doses knowing it would get to our baby girl and if it made my grown self loopy how was it making her feel? We had an AMAZING nurse, named Ellie :), who was so reassuring and calming during all of the emotions. I had my second steroid shot in the butt and was told that come morning all medications would be shut off and we would see what my body would do.

Luckily the contractions spaced themselves way out and I was still only dialed to that same 2 1/2 cm. We were home by late Monday afternoon - in time to pick Caidyn up from school - to my new normal of modified bed rest.  I wasn't on complete bed rest, but I wasn't to return to work or any sort of strenuous activity. I couldn't lift Caidyn, stairs should be taken one at a time, and if I was going to go grocery shopping, I should rest the remainder of the day. I had an appointment with the doctor on Wednesday morning that I was instructed to keep. Sleep was difficult with all of the contractions - but they had spaced themselves out to around fifteen minutes apart.

Side note: I did interview for a job literally 24 hours after I was discharged from the hospital. I almost didn't, but it was a unique opportunity and, if nothing else, was great to see what a high level interview was like. I was definitely not myself - I spoke way too fast, said way too little, and was in and out in the space of one contraction. Not my best work, but that did mark the last time I did my hair and makeup for at least a week! I also have wonderful friends who sent me an Edible Arrangement with instructions to eat and relax. And that I did, right after that interview :)

Pregnancy Round 2 - Thoughts

Oh pregnancy. 

Starting this post out with a lot of honesty - the reason there is so much space (not that 2 years 9 months is a lot of space.., but more than the usual "we'll try again after the baby turns 1" that I hear from basically everyone) between Caidyn and Eleanor is because I was really nervous to be pregnant again. 

I didn't have a particularly rough first pregnancy. In fact, compared to most people, it was probably very tame. But it wasn't easy either. I was tired. I was uncomfortable. I didn't get to do things I love to do and it took over a year to come back (hopefully that was because of my thyroid hormone being off...). I knew I would be finishing my master's degree shortly before Caidyn turned 2. With Caidyn we were able to get pregnant on our first "try" so I was scared to start any sooner. I had started day dreaming about telling all of our friends and family at her birthday party having her open one present in front of everyone that said "baby brother or sister" on it or something. 

And the planner in me took over from that very first day dream. 

And it didn't work on the first try. Or the second try. Or the third try. And the planner in me was not good at this waiting game. It wasn't setting up with everything we had envisioned. 

And life was CRAZY! I guess losing your grandmother, starting at a new school, selling your house, purchasing a new house, and just life kind of caused us to be a little stressed. Additionally I was really wanting to time this pregnancy so maternity leave wouldn't overlap with next school year at all since I had worked so hard to complete my master's degree in time to be an administrator by next school year. But when that timing didn't work out, the mantra of 2015 that I had accepted with the house, with grandma, and with everything else finally ran through this whole "second kid" thing. I learned "what will be will be". 

And when we relaxed, it happened. The timing was terrible, career wise, but it happened. And we were overjoyed. 

I'll never forget, October 14. A Wednesday. The last day we were in our old house. The one we became a family in. I was extra emotional. And thought "maybe it happened?" and took a test. And it was negative. And I cried so much that day. And Caidyn walked in and gave me a big hug and used her amazing Caidyn awareness and said "Baby Sister coming" and I just sobbed and hugged her and she hugged right back. Those little arms were so full of love that day. 

And three days later when I still hadn't had a period I took another test. And it was positive. And I knew I had to tell Caidyn first. I woke her up and told her "Baby coming" and she just hugged me. And then we told Daddy. And we were all so excited. 

And we have been. This whole time. And we still are. Caidyn asks every day if "Ellie can come out now?" and it is so sweet. We are working on learning that her lungs are too little to breathe right now but they will be ready very soon. Such tender lessons that just make my heart melt. 

But my goodness. This pregnancy was just as hard as I thought it would be. I got to run for longer, which was much appreciated. But the stopping was sudden because of awful sciatic pain. That just got worse. And the shots. The weekly progesterone shots that make me an emotional mess on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and the first half of Thursdays. And dealing with the guilt of not being able to move as fast as Caidyn or play on the floor for as long or pick her up all the time. 

And I love these two little girls. So much. If the mantra of 2015 is "what will be will be" than the mantra of pregnancy is "worth it". And by golly it is. But goodness they make you work for it :) 

And I'm so thankful to get to experience pregnancy with both Caidyn and Eleanor. I am so blessed to be their mama. They have both taught me so much. And the joys and discomforts of pregnancy are preparing me in many different ways to be the mother they will need me to be. 

Truth be told - I'm very glad we waited until we did to start trying. I am sad we didn't get a chance to share news of another baby with my grandmother while she was still with us (she loved babies so much), but with how the rest of life has come together, how much Caidyn understands about being a big sister and all the joy and responsibility that comes with it, plus with how physically demanding pregnancy is, especially with a toddler around, we learned that what will be will be. And for us, what has become is perfect.